Personal development is about enjoying your life while making conscious decisions on a daily basis about everything you do. It’s about having more control of your own actions and emotions and staying motivated no matter what situation or environment you’re in.
If we find ourselves expressing more anger than the situation calls for, we are drawing from the reservoir of unexpressed anger -- the reservoir that accumulates into rage. When this happens, it is important to be able to stop the exchange the moment we recognize our response is out of balance.
Anger management helps you Identify mistaken attitudes and convictions, identify childhood factors that might prevent the appropriate expression of anger (i.e. fear, denial, rejection). You learn modes of expressing “legitimate” anger at others and how to heal anger wounds (by engaging in the processes of acceptance and forgiveness).
Too many couples leave counselling until it's too late. By the time of their first appointment, many years of bitterness and resentment can have built up and the fear of being hurt blocks out any chance of change.
If you're experiencing any of the following, now is the time to consider counselling:
- When you talk to your partner, it feels as though you're hitting a brick wall.
- Your conversations just go round and round in never-ending circles.
- After you've talked, you feel frustrated and confused.
- You can't talk for more than a few minutes without it turning into a shouting match.
- You're afraid that if you bring up a certain subject, things will get even worse.
- There's nothing left to say.
Communication is at the heart of all relationships. Many couples report that communication breakdown is one of the main reasons they've decided to seek counselling. Arguments are common in all kinds of relationships. But disagreements don't have to end in hostile silence or a screaming match. Counselling can assist with learning ways of handling discussions on emotive topics and looking out for the patterns and triggers in your arguments.
Ideally, you should go to counselling together. Often, if one person makes the decision to give counselling a try, the partner will decide to go too. If your partner refuses to join you, there are lots of things counselling can help you sort out on your own. There may be changes you can make alone that will have a positive impact on your relationship. Some people also prefer to have counselling on their own at first to work out their feelings before seeing another counsellor as a couple.
Depression is a highly treatable illness and there is lots of help and advice available once the sufferer decides to seek help. Counselling is an extremely effective way of treating the disorder if cases are mild to moderate.
Talking through feelings may be all that you need for mild depression. In some cases there is a particular problem that triggered the depression, or is making it worse. For example, marital problems, sexual problems, bereavement, previous childhood abuse, etc. Counselling directed at a specific area may then be helpful.
Anxiety is often unfocused, vague, and hard to pin down to a specific cause. Anxiety is a feeling of nervousness, apprehension, fear, or worry. Some fears and worries are justified, such as worry about a loved one, or in anticipation of taking a test or other examination. Problem anxiety interferes with the sufferer's ability to sleep or otherwise function. It is noteworthy that teenagers are particularly susceptible to having irritability as a symptom of a number of emotional problems, including anxiety. Anxiety may occur without a cause, or it may occur based on a real situation but may be out of proportion to what would normally be expected. Severe anxiety can have a serious impact on daily life.
Helping the anxiety sufferer combat whatever unrealistic beliefs that may underlie the anxiety (cognitive therapy) or developing ways to manage worries (behavioural therapy) are psychotherapeutic approaches that are often used.
When we experience a loss such as someone dying, losing a job, or leaving our country or city the first reaction is often shock. We can't believe it. It takes our feelings a while to catch up with what has happened. These reactions can last for several days after a loss, and occasionally for longer.
As the numbness wears off, we begin to feel the pain. We realize this really is happening to us and that it hurts. People at this stage may need someone who will let them express their painful feelings. They may also want to talk a lot about the person or situation they are missing, or their lost dream. Talking and expressing feelings helps them face what has happened.
Remember, that people express painful feelings differently. Not everyone cries or finds it easy to talk about their grief, but this does not mean they are not hurting. Some people lack energy to do anything. Others push painful feelings away by being very busy. How long people feel the pain of their loss depends on many things including how important the loss was to them. But it may take weeks or even months before they are ready to let go of the person or situation they are leaving behind.
When they are ready to let go, people are also more open to accepting the changes. At this stage, a person may need help in not only accepting change but also making changes. For example, it may involve a decision to retrain, find new interests, or meet new people. Counselling can help people explore options and make decisions.
When does the enjoyment of porn escalate from an occassional viewing to full blown addiction? Most people don't think about their porn use as being a problem until they start experiencing the 'cost', that is, the physical symtoms of overuse, loss of time, relationships and / or sexual problems, feelings of guilt, shame, anger, regret etc.
They may try to stop but find that they cannot break the habit. Some people may have a mild addiction, some severe, and some may be at risk. However, they may not be addicted at this time.
They may become withdrawn - spending more time online - late at night, early in the morning or at work. They may become emotionally absent from their partner or dissatified with their partner. They may also start comparing them to the actors that they have seen on porn sites. Their sexual tastes may change, wanting to act out what they have been viewing. They may become evasive, defensive, secretive, needing to lie, to cover up their activites.
If some or all of the above apply to you, there is support available.
If you’re an adult who was sexually abused as a child, you may have suffered for years from problems that never want to go away. The feelings and effects of childhood sexual abuse may be quite overwhelming and difficult to deal with. You may feel you don't know what you are feeling much of the time. Sharing your feelings and experiences in a safe, understanding, and confidential environment may help you better experience and manage your feelings by being heard and taken seriously. It is never too late. Trust your instinct and seek help when the time is right for you. Healing from the effects of childhood sexual abuse is not something you have to do alone.
Even if you weren’t sexually abused as a child, having to cope with the abuse of your own child may be the most difficult challenge of your life. If you get counselling for yourself through this difficult period, it will also help your child to get on with his/her own counselling. Ideally, counselling should start as soon as possible after finding out about the abuse.